"OFF-COLOR" COMMITTEE MEMBER ARRESTED
An unidentified man was arrested last night for impersonating a member of the very elite Color Committee, the who decides the colors of the year for various garden and home furnishings.
Shortly after 11 pm, the man entered a posh Beverly Hills club reserved only for Hollywood royalty, sports figures and members of the Color Committee
He showed the bouncer his official Color Committee membership card then entered. But Hugh Offbrown, club manager, noticed the man was wearing with a mauve sport coat with chartreuse bow tie. "Anyone who would wear such an atrocious color combination cannot possibly be a member of the Color Committee," said the astute Offbrown.
So, upon further examination of the membership card, it turned out to be an expired membership card for the popular children's pizza chain, Chuck E. Cheese. Offbrown commented, "I don't blame the bouncer. The Color Committee card and the Chuck E. Cheese card are made by the same company, and are virtually identical in color and style." The bouncer was warned to be more careful, but no further reprimanding occurred.
It took five police officers to get the unidentified imposter into the police car, as he was putting up quite a fight. Apparently, it was not being arrested that disturbed him. It was the color of the police car. Apparently he felt degraded by having to be put into a vehicle with such a drab and cliché color combo as … black and white.
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NUMBER TWO … TO A DEER, NOT SO DEAR
Why do deer only jump over one fence but not a second? Because according to deer law, which dates back to the founding deer of this country, deer are expressly forbidden to have any involvement with the number two.
Bambi Forrest, a leading deer researcher says, "Two has always symbolized ill-luck and misfortune for deer. And why not? Anything from double barrel shot guns all the way to the fact that cars have two headlights … two brings death. You will never see deer traveling in pairs. Always alone, or in threes."
Buck Stopps, an opponent of Ms. Forrest says this anti-two theory among deer is preposterous. He states that, "Just last Thursday I saw a doe …. a deer …. a female deer in my front yard. And she was with ONE other deer … making the number of deer I saw, two."
Ms. Forrest responded by saying those were more than likely teenage deer rebelling.
"TIC-ED OFF" BEEKEEPERS PROPOSE A SOLUTION
Up until recently, US beekeepers have been troubled by tics that have been boring themselves into their bees and nesting there. It turns out that most of tics have been coming from area tic keepers whose tic collections outnumber the space available for their tics, and the tics having no where else to go, merely have made homes inside the bees.
"The inside of a bee is the most comfortable insect inside around" says Tom Orkin, spokesperson for the tics. "Spiders are way too drafty, and flies … well, they just smell. Ever smell the inside of a fly?"
Honey Hives, spokesperson for the beekeepers proposed this solution … tics will be allowed to house themselves within the bees, so long as they rent the space. The rate to set up house inside a bee will be 3 cents per day, per bee, per tic. This may not seem like a lot, but considering the number of tics looking for housing, it really adds up.
Tom Orkin thinks it's a great idea. "The tics that get to stay inside the queen bee are the most lucky," he says. It's really decked out in there. Like a palace!"
Both parties are considering the proposal, but have not yet reached a final decision.
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